1. ↔ × → Hola! Como estas tu?  No comprendo?  Ah, so you don’t speak the spanish.  No problema, I speak english muy bueno!  This isn’t a dream.  What you’re seeing is real.  That’s my prison tat.  Yes, we all get them.  It’s how you know we’re fresh, dangerous, and its also how grocery clerks identify us.  This way, they don’t mix us up with the avocado or squash.  Fuck the squash man…he’s always up in my shit.  I wanna knife him.  Anyways…I digress.  I was suppose to be the crowning achievement of this fajita plate.  Unfortunately, Pancho in the back forget to remove my tat before serving me.  I knifed him.  So here I am, sitting next to some bits of onion,  totally by myself and ashamed…:-(

    Hola! Como estas tu?  No comprendo?  Ah, so you don’t speak the spanish.  No problema, I speak english muy bueno!  This isn’t a dream.  What you’re seeing is real.  That’s my prison tat.  Yes, we all get them.  It’s how you know we’re fresh, dangerous, and its also how grocery clerks identify us.  This way, they don’t mix us up with the avocado or squash.  Fuck the squash man…he’s always up in my shit.  I wanna knife him.  Anyways…I digress.  I was suppose to be the crowning achievement of this fajita plate.  Unfortunately, Pancho in the back forget to remove my tat before serving me.  I knifed him.  So here I am, sitting next to some bits of onion,  totally by myself and ashamed…:-(

  2. ↔ × → Listen, I know what you’re thinking.  You’re judging me because of my size.  Trust me, I know size usually does matter but in my case, not a chance.  My bun is not your garden variety happy meal bullshit.  I’m crispy and delicious, the strawberry shortcake of burgers.  And maybe you don’t see it in this pic, but I’m also bacon.  That’s right, bacon, which we all know makes everything fucking better.  I’m not that lonely cause this wedding where I’m being served is bumping.  But, I am the last piece, so enjoy me while you can, cause pretty soon, I’m outta here..biatch!!:-)

    Listen, I know what you’re thinking.  You’re judging me because of my size.  Trust me, I know size usually does matter but in my case, not a chance.  My bun is not your garden variety happy meal bullshit.  I’m crispy and delicious, the strawberry shortcake of burgers.  And maybe you don’t see it in this pic, but I’m also bacon.  That’s right, bacon, which we all know makes everything fucking better.  I’m not that lonely cause this wedding where I’m being served is bumping.  But, I am the last piece, so enjoy me while you can, cause pretty soon, I’m outta here..biatch!!:-)

  3. ↔ × → Hello.  My name is Gunther and you may know me from such famous tv shows as, “When Hillbillys Come Home” and “Dude!, that’s your sister”.  I’m a sensitive soul.  Don’t let my burly beard fool you.  I only have it to cover the fact that I have no chin.  If you give me a chance, I’m make sure I pet you, and feed you, and wash you…cause you know…you’re soft…really soft…and I like to touch.  As you can see from my picture, I live in a gorgeous mansion, complete with a lamp, a chair, some windows, and a red plastic cup with which I enjoy tasty beverages.  I’m looking for someone who will complete me so if you think you’re that person, give me a call at (312) 218-8448.  It’ll be a good time.  And if someone name Dirty Frank picks up, just tell him you’re looking for Gunther.  He’ll know what to do. :-(

    Hello.  My name is Gunther and you may know me from such famous tv shows as, “When Hillbillys Come Home” and “Dude!, that’s your sister”.  I’m a sensitive soul.  Don’t let my burly beard fool you.  I only have it to cover the fact that I have no chin.  If you give me a chance, I’m make sure I pet you, and feed you, and wash you…cause you know…you’re soft…really soft…and I like to touch.  As you can see from my picture, I live in a gorgeous mansion, complete with a lamp, a chair, some windows, and a red plastic cup with which I enjoy tasty beverages.  I’m looking for someone who will complete me so if you think you’re that person, give me a call at (312) 218-8448.  It’ll be a good time.  And if someone name Dirty Frank picks up, just tell him you’re looking for Gunther.  He’ll know what to do. :-(

  4. ↔ × → Oh Man, I’m tired today.  I look like a train wreck.  Look at all those crumbs.  I know you’ve had coffee cake.  I know you’ve had cinnamon streusel.  But have you had cinnamon streusel coffee cake?  No, and you know why?  Cause I’m a fucking train wreck.  Not only am I a fat bomb waiting to go off in your arteries, I also taste really really weird.  That’s why that fatass took one bite of me and left me here on the plate.  I’ve been here three days.  All my moistures gone and I’m starting to crumble.  Someone put me out of my misery, please! :-( gluttonyisabliss: (via dinnercakes) Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cake

    Oh Man, I’m tired today.  I look like a train wreck.  Look at all those crumbs.  I know you’ve had coffee cake.  I know you’ve had cinnamon streusel.  But have you had cinnamon streusel coffee cake?  No, and you know why?  Cause I’m a fucking train wreck.  Not only am I a fat bomb waiting to go off in your arteries, I also taste really really weird.  That’s why that fatass took one bite of me and left me here on the plate.  I’ve been here three days.  All my moistures gone and I’m starting to crumble.  Someone put me out of my misery, please! :-(

    gluttonyisabliss:

    (via dinnercakes)

    Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cake

  5. ↔ × → Wow!  The chef really blew it tonight.  I was suppose to be an avocado roll but the avocados weren’t ripe enough.  So instead, I’m a szechuan shrimp roll with some spicy mayo on top.  Talk about identity crisis!  I’m a chinese entree trapped inside a japanese appetizer.  No wonder I got left behind.  Look at my seaweed, I didn’t even get cut right.  Someone get the chef out here cause I’m not lonely, I’m just pissed.  :-(

    Wow!  The chef really blew it tonight.  I was suppose to be an avocado roll but the avocados weren’t ripe enough.  So instead, I’m a szechuan shrimp roll with some spicy mayo on top.  Talk about identity crisis!  I’m a chinese entree trapped inside a japanese appetizer.  No wonder I got left behind.  Look at my seaweed, I didn’t even get cut right.  Someone get the chef out here cause I’m not lonely, I’m just pissed.  :-(

  6. ↔ × → Do I even count?  I’m not really sure.  I think I’m actually more of a garnish.  So people call me ‘green onion’, others call me scallion.  I personally prefer to be called Bob, but that’s just me.  All I know right now is that I got tossed out of the bowl of noodles onto this plate.  Normally they cut me up so I get eaten along with everyone else.  I have a sneaky feeling that’s not gonna happen tonight.  :-(

    Do I even count?  I’m not really sure.  I think I’m actually more of a garnish.  So people call me ‘green onion’, others call me scallion.  I personally prefer to be called Bob, but that’s just me.  All I know right now is that I got tossed out of the bowl of noodles onto this plate.  Normally they cut me up so I get eaten along with everyone else.  I have a sneaky feeling that’s not gonna happen tonight.  :-(

  7. ↔ × → Hark!, it is me.  The last survivor the of 12 hour famine.  My brothers were not as lucky as three starving photographers devoured them with the fury of the vikings!  Somehow, me with all my cheesy goodness was spared.  I was born this afternoon in the city of Chicago, at the fine establishment of White Castle.  Ricardo griddle burned me to perfection and I was hand selected for the ultimate position, Crave Case Baron.  If I am lucky I may still have the chance to be consume by the lovely wedding planner…but the chubby asian photog still looks hungry :-(

    Hark!, it is me.  The last survivor the of 12 hour famine.  My brothers were not as lucky as three starving photographers devoured them with the fury of the vikings!  Somehow, me with all my cheesy goodness was spared.  I was born this afternoon in the city of Chicago, at the fine establishment of White Castle.  Ricardo griddle burned me to perfection and I was hand selected for the ultimate position, Crave Case Baron.  If I am lucky I may still have the chance to be consume by the lovely wedding planner…but the chubby asian photog still looks hungry :-(

  8. ↔ × → Normally, there’s always more crackers than meat and cheese.  In this case, everyone went to town on the meat.  I mean look at all those crackers left behind.  I’m not even the focus of this picture.  So why…tell me why was I left behind  Was I not greasy enough.  Did I get cut in some ackward way that I didn’t fit on the cracker?  Granted, I have been sitting on this plate for 6 hrs.  I might also smell a little like the coors light that was spilled on me.  But really, is that any reason not to eat me?  Cmon…pretty please…:-(

    Normally, there’s always more crackers than meat and cheese.  In this case, everyone went to town on the meat.  I mean look at all those crackers left behind.  I’m not even the focus of this picture.  So why…tell me why was I left behind  Was I not greasy enough.  Did I get cut in some ackward way that I didn’t fit on the cracker?  Granted, I have been sitting on this plate for 6 hrs.  I might also smell a little like the coors light that was spilled on me.  But really, is that any reason not to eat me?  Cmon…pretty please…:-(

  9. ↔ × → In mexico, I am King.  My yellow cousin does not even exists and the people love me.  They use every part of me, in food, in drink, and to feed the earth.  Here in the USA, I am Corona’s bitch.  I’m squeezed, my life blood forcefully taken from me.  And then I am discarded, a lifeless hulk left behind without a thought.  Every piece of me is a lonely piece…with dreams of returning to Mexico.

    In mexico, I am King.  My yellow cousin does not even exists and the people love me.  They use every part of me, in food, in drink, and to feed the earth.  Here in the USA, I am Corona’s bitch.  I’m squeezed, my life blood forcefully taken from me.  And then I am discarded, a lifeless hulk left behind without a thought.  Every piece of me is a lonely piece…with dreams of returning to Mexico.

  10. ↔ × → Ah, meat on a stick.  You don’t get more classic than me.  Tender succulent pieces of animal flesh mixed and match with various veggies.  I personally prefer to be in the company of peppers and onions, with the occasional hidden jalapeno thrown in.  If you’re gonna pair me with fruit,the only acceptable choice is pineapple.  You know why no one is eating me, cause some wise guy decided apple would be a good idea. Sigh…are there any doggies in the house?   They will eat anything…even me. :-(

    Ah, meat on a stick.  You don’t get more classic than me.  Tender succulent pieces of animal flesh mixed and match with various veggies.  I personally prefer to be in the company of peppers and onions, with the occasional hidden jalapeno thrown in.  If you’re gonna pair me with fruit,the only acceptable choice is pineapple.  You know why no one is eating me, cause some wise guy decided apple would be a good idea. Sigh…are there any doggies in the house?   They will eat anything…even me. :-(